Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
