she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
