She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
