apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
