I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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