Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
