Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I will be naked everywhere
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
