I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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