and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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