I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
