Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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