I want you more than these girls want KFC
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
