Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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