btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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