just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
