I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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