tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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