One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
