Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
