do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
