lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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