just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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