Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
