i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
