Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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