I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
