the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
