Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
And then he peed in my hair
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