my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
