No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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