In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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