lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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