I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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