Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
