I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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