currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
