his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
did i just pee glitter
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
