I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
