Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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