We named our party play list daddy issues
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
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Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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