The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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