If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
