I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So much rum. So many feels.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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