I hate all girls vehemently.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
