Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
