I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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