She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
