and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
