Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
kristin has been a bad kristin
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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