I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
