who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My cat gives me a boner
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
