You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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