margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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