My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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