i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
