who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
