Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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