I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
