I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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