I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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