I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
