we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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