We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
