I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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