i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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