Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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