quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
