I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
